How Desperate Am I For More of God?
Written By: Tiffany Nesbitt
“Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit” (Jeremiah 17:7,8).
The miles flash as I speed through the desert. In its pre-dawn blush, the sky shimmers, mother-of-pearl. Rugged mountains cut a stark silhouette against the glow.
But all I can think about is my rumbling stomach. I’m hungry. So hungry that my stomach's growling complaints fill the entire sound-space of my brain, leaving no room for any type of early morning appreciation of beauty.But I’m also in a time crunch, without even a moment for a pass-through at fast food joint where I could hurriedly snatch a rubbery biscuit loaded with cheese and a bit of overdone egg...
Instead, I gaze across the miles into a desert range rising jagged and bare, and I’m catapulted back to the image which captured my heart just days before. All about Moses and his hollow heart hunger, and how God showed up to feast Moses on the indescribable glory of His presence.
And it makes me pause, wondering.
How hungry am I, really?
Because Moses was so desperate for the Presence that if he didn’t get more, he was willing to wander the scorched sands of Sinai, forfeiting the divine promise of milk-and-honey inheritance for himself and his people.
“ If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. ” (Ex. 33:16)
In other words, if I can’t have more of you than what I’ve yet tasted, I’m ready to dig in my sandals, stubborn-like, and just — wait. No charging forward, half-filled. No finding a way to make it all happen, dissatisfied still. A single longing filled Moses’ very core.
More of His presence.
I interrogate my heart there in the quiet hurtling through space.
How much do I really want? How desperate am I for more of God?
I glance in the rear view mirror, images flashing hard across its lens. Too many scenes of filling my soul’s belly with less than or not enough . How quickly I gravitate towards those plasticized versions of nutrition, nothing really there except temporary gratification and, somewhere down the road, coronary disease.
Jesus, more of you.
ecause I want to be so hungry for Him that every moment of my life, I’m knocking, searching, chasing Him down. He’s promised that if I seek Him, I’ll find Him — if I search with all my heart. But so often my heart is a divided territory, only half-in, while the other half slumbers away in complacent enough-ness. He’s promised that if I hunger and thirst for righteousness, I’ll be satisfied. But it can’t be any of that self-made, man-approved righteousness, striving only after comparison. The kind I cling to so easily.
I want a real, lasting hunger that burns, inferno-like, within me and declares I can’t possibly go forward without more of you, my Jesus.
Satisfy my burning heart.
The suns bursts over the horizon, and I imagine Moses, his face blazing like glory as he treks down Sinai. He’s been in the Presence — that more for which his heart had cried — and his earth-suit can’t contain the splendor.
I pull out my sunglasses, squinting into the glare. It’s glorious.
And there in the blinding glow, I can finally hear the beat of my own heart, satisfied.
My story? I’m a Jesus lover: an ardent worshiper who longs for nothing more than to revel in the presence of the One who alone is WORTHY. I am wife to Christopher, that amazing husband and father whose beautiful romancing 30 years ago started so much.I am mother to four incredible blessings: two stalwart young men, two radiant young women. Gifts of glory and sanctification, all. I spent nineteen years of my life practicing at being a home educator: joyful, hard-won days filled with priceless memories and perpetual messiness.I thrive most when teaching, mentoring or loving on the upcoming generation. My husband and I co-founded CRSSM, a ministry center in Costa Rica, where we lived for the first half of 2016. On March 1, 2018, I released a women’s Bible study called Bless. I am a fearless shower singer, a faithful Austen devotee, an unashamed musical watcher. I love to celebrate milestones with great aplomb. I delight in opening my home to friends and family, and at such events, steaming cups of tea are invariably found.